she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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