You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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