im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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