I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
