apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
