I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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