i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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