in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
