I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
