WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
