My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Church boner. Awkwardddd
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize