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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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