I just gift wrapped bread.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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