is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
