my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize