Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
