She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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