There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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