he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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