i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
