Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
