My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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