Sponge bath it is.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
