Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
