You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
