first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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