i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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