Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I currently don't understand fingers.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
