There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
