Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
