I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
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Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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