i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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