it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The struggles of a small town man whore
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
