You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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