When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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