All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
