remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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