2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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