i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
