fuck your aforementioned shoe
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize