New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
