we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
