six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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