Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
