Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
