I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
