Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
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Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
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dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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