She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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