I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
