I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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