Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
