Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
