I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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