he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
ttyl tear gas
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
