Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
