Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You ruined the universe
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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