You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
