I didn't shave. On purpose
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
