I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
