Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
