I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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