he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I would ride that face into the sunset
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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