I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
