I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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