I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
did i just pee glitter
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
