Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
