So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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