I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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