I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
