my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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