I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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