Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
