Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
