I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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