I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
