Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
